I wrote this last May the first little part of this came to me whilst having a panic attack in the middle of the night six months prior in November, but it took me months to have the courage and emotional capacity it took to really write about my deep struggle with anxiety that happened about a year ago. As I near finals and pass the anniversary of when I decided (at 4 AM when the best decisions are made) to to move home I am so humbled and thankful to be in the mental and emotional place that I am now. I truly can only attribute this growth and healing to God’s grace and love.
You will survive
My nightmares don’t happen when I’m asleep. They happen when I’m awake, because the monster I live with resides not under my bed, but in me.
The anxiety monster. The one that can literally paralyze you, but look innocent enough to make others say “just brush it off, stop worrying” as if it’s that simple.
It’s a tricky monster, because by the time you realize it’s an ugly merciless monster out to destroy you it’s been part of you long enough to make you hesitant to fight it.
The monster that is destroying you feels like it’s your only safe haven.
How do you fight it? How do you overcome such a thing? Don’t fight it alone. Enlist an army to help with God as the commander. You don’t have to live like this.
You don’t have to miss life, because you can’t leave your house. You have the courage and strength to overcome this monster, but not by yourself.
Your strength is likely long gone as it has been a brutal battle, but with your army of friends, family, and most importantly God you will survive.
It won’t be easy, it will be painful, and there will be people who have little to no compassion for you, but I promise you will survive.