I was feeling a certain bout of loneliness this morning; it was the kind of loneliness that you know means nothing, but still will not leave you alone. This loneliness came with the works: crying, questioning my immediate future, questioning my distant future, and feeling isolated. It soon became very apparent to me that I needed to do something with all of these thoughts that were swimming through my head, so I decided to write. I pulled out a notebook and wrote down the title “Lonely but Never Alone”, and then I started flipping through the pages that I had already filled. As I was flipping I came across something that I had written about an awkward date; I decided to read it because I figured that it would be good for a laugh, but what I got was so much more. What I received in reading that was hope, truth, and yes a good laugh. After reading that I realized that God was giving me what I had been praying for just minutes before. He had given me someone who understood what I was feeling and could encourage me; that person just happened to be a former version of myself writing down my thoughts. As I soaked in this realization I felt the title that I had written down expecting the content to be full of despair turn into one that would have content full of hope. This title and its truth became real to me. I will become lonely at times, that is inevitable, but I am never alone. I have a Heavenly Father who will always provide what I need when I need it. What a blessing.
I wrote this very short thought just before going on my road trip with Catie last summer. The feeling that comes over me when I am about to do something that I have looked forward to for so long is quite simply surreal. There’s an underlying fear that it won’t meet your expectations; then it massively exceeds those expectations. I’m about to take another trip I have been dreaming about, so once again these thoughts below are swimming through my head.
This isn’t happening. Don’t think of that in an urgent or angry context, but rather a blissful disbelief that something you’ve dreamed up, worked for, and planned for is becoming a reality. It’s been in the making so long you can’t wrap your mind around the fact that it’s time to do this incredibly exciting thing.