Every so often I find myself plagued with a night of insomnia. I want to sleep, but for no particular reason, I simply can’t. This lack of ability to sleep some nights used to drive me crazy, but I have learned to love experiencing a world that is asleep.
When the World is Asleep
There’s a beautiful peace in the world when it is asleep
The silence envelopes me and finally there is time to just think
See when the world is awake there are distractions and noises galore
But when it is asleep the craziness is no more
Oh yes dear friend it is true.
There is a beautiful peace in the world when it is asleep.
It is October which means there are many marching bands right in the middle of their competitive season. While I personally was not in marching band I am certainly no stranger to the sport due to the fact that many of my close friends were in marching band in high school. This past Thursday I found myself sitting on a blacktop observing a rehearsal, and I was inspired to write this poetic thing. This one is for my friends who love marching band.
This Blessed Blacktop
There’s a certain peace within me as I am sitting on this blessed blacktop
Hormonal high schoolers giving their all to a mesmerizing movement of music
Shuffling their feet and playing their tune
The sun sets painting the sky hues of gold, pink, and blue
Adult voluteers scurrying to do their part
There is an undeniable beauty in the dedication and teamwork within their hearts
Truly all I can do is sit here and thank God for evenings like these that have a somehow perfect breeze.
I wrote this very short thought just before going on my road trip with Catie last summer. The feeling that comes over me when I am about to do something that I have looked forward to for so long is quite simply surreal. There’s an underlying fear that it won’t meet your expectations; then it massively exceeds those expectations. I’m about to take another trip I have been dreaming about, so once again these thoughts below are swimming through my head.
This isn’t happening. Don’t think of that in an urgent or angry context, but rather a blissful disbelief that something you’ve dreamed up, worked for, and planned for is becoming a reality. It’s been in the making so long you can’t wrap your mind around the fact that it’s time to do this incredibly exciting thing.
I wrote this the summer I was in Canada. On the day I wrote this I was on a canoe trip doing what they referred to as solo day. Essentially this means they dropped us off at secluded location near camp and we spend several hours spending time with God. I naturally did quite a bit of writing and this is one of the poems that I wrote that day.
The Majesty and Power of God
As I sit by the water hearing waves crash on the rocks because of the intense wind I praise God
As I see my canoe shake and all the tree limbs around me blow this way and that I praise God
As I look up to dark ominous sky and feel my fear of the rain and my lack of shelter I praise God
As I think of how small I am and how minuscule my time here is compared to all of eternity I praise God
My God is a powerful one stirring the lake and the winds around me. Proclaiming His majesty in the beauty of the waves crashing on the rocks. The wavering tree limbs bowing in awe at His strength. All I can do in this moment is praise God.
I wrote this last May the first little part of this came to me whilst having a panic attack in the middle of the night six months prior in November, but it took me months to have the courage and emotional capacity it took to really write about my deep struggle with anxiety that happened about a year ago. As I near finals and pass the anniversary of when I decided (at 4 AM when the best decisions are made) to to move home I am so humbled and thankful to be in the mental and emotional place that I am now. I truly can only attribute this growth and healing to God’s grace and love.
You will survive
My nightmares don’t happen when I’m asleep. They happen when I’m awake, because the monster I live with resides not under my bed, but in me.
The anxiety monster. The one that can literally paralyze you, but look innocent enough to make others say “just brush it off, stop worrying” as if it’s that simple.
It’s a tricky monster, because by the time you realize it’s an ugly merciless monster out to destroy you it’s been part of you long enough to make you hesitant to fight it.
The monster that is destroying you feels like it’s your only safe haven.
How do you fight it? How do you overcome such a thing? Don’t fight it alone. Enlist an army to help with God as the commander. You don’t have to live like this.
You don’t have to miss life, because you can’t leave your house. You have the courage and strength to overcome this monster, but not by yourself.
Your strength is likely long gone as it has been a brutal battle, but with your army of friends, family, and most importantly God you will survive.
It won’t be easy, it will be painful, and there will be people who have little to no compassion for you, but I promise you will survive.
Some months back I went to Wendy’s and quite frankly the worker was kind of creepy, he kept hanging around our table and checking on us. He was probably just bored, but he gave off vibes that made me uncomfortable. Therefore, I later wrote this poem type thing expressing what I so very badly wanted to say to him.
To the Fast Food Worker Dude
Dear sir it is simple when working at Wendy’s pretty girls will come in, let me layout some guidelines that if followed will improve your interaction with them.
First and foremost the most useful guideline I will give you is this: admire their beauty from afar. It doesn’t matter if these ladies are average or the most stunningly gorgeous creatures you’ve ever seen. Chill and check on them no more than once.
Which leads me to two a crucial guideline, because it’s true. Checking on the ladies once is just good manners. Checking twice is a little weird, but understandable. Check on them three times or more and they will be telling stories about the creepy guy who wouldn’t leave their table. Is that really how you want to be remembered?
The third my dear is important as well for it will keep things going swell. Now that you’ve learned to give the ladies their space and check no more than once I bet you’re thinking “aaaaah but I can still clean right next to their table. I’ll pick up every crumb at least 3 times” Let me stop you there that is also not an option. Listening in on their conversation by pretending to sweep right next to their table will simply make them ready to leave.
When it comes down to it if they want your attention and company they’ll seek it. Then and only then can you casually and calmly respond. Trust me my dear they’ll suck down sodas, create spills, and “forget” important items like napkins, straws, and spoons, plus they’ll need your helpful hands to take their trash in separate trips. Until then make yourself scarce and please just do your work.
Back in December I was hanging out at a coffee shop in Indianapolis with a few friends; we were being rather quiet that evening as one of us was performing, one of us was doing homework, and the other two of us were writing. I had recently decided that I was going to move back home, so the evening was overshadowed with a bit of melancholy. At some point in the evening I wrote this poem describing the situation and how I felt about it. There wasn’t anything special about the evening we were just being together and that’s why I appreciated the evening so much. God places us in seasons of life and sometimes we are so focused on what’s in the future that we forget to look around and soak in here and now.
An Insignificant Evening
Small amount of time
Dear friends doing nothing in particular
Listening to music
Catching up on work
Enjoying each other’s company
Not realizing the need to soak up the moment for all of its worth
Pens on paper
It’s truly nothing special
An insignificant evening easily forgotten in a sea of evenings, afternoons, and mornings that make this thing called life
It’s the evenings like these that characterize different seasons of life
That make certain seasons precious
It’s funny how significant this insignificant evening is
For it is the evenings like this one that make us treasure the season it calls home